next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
