Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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