have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
