that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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