i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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