I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
