So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Randomize
