Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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