Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
