whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
