Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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