Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
