She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
