I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
