Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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