how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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