areolas are like halos for boobs.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
