**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it's like iHOP with fire
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
