Kareoke will never be a sober sport
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
