i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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