The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
please come you make the beer taste better
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
