Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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