I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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