jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's shark week go big or go home
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
