so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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