I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
