I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
