My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
