I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
