so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
