I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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