i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
