i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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