I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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