so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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