Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
