i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
