At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
