Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
