I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
