got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
