Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
