On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
