I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
