She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
