I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
