I puked a lego.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
