here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
