legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
