the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
