I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
